when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
