he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
