I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
