There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
