i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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