we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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