I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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