Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
