tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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