He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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