she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
