I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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