I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
