Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
