shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
