I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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