So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
