Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
