Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
