Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
