Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
