Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
