Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
