Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
