I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
