when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
