she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
