dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
