I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
