I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
