I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
