I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
