i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
