i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
