there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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