i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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