I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
