obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
