i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
