My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
