): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
