went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So many bounce houses so little time
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
