i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
