I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
