I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She bit a glass in half.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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