Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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