what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
