My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
