He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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