She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
