Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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