that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
