May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
