suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
