Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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